Friday, March 15, 2013

I Think My Head Is Going To…Well…EXPLODE.

I Think My Head Is Going To…Well…EXPLODE.

When I sat down to write this, I thought I was just going to say something like, “I sure do get a lot of flyers from psychics.” I mean, especially for someone who is NEVER going to visit one. And you know how some people say, “Never say never?”  Not me.  I’m sayin’ never.  Yessiree, sir.

So, obviously, I have gotten another flyer. I wrote about one of these just a couple of months ago. This is the toniest one yet, though. A thick, glossy cardstock—postcard style—crammed full of pictures and info. It’s a little hard to tell what is being advertised. It could be the city of Beverly Hills.  It could be some Kama Sutra love thing.  It could be a vacant apartment for rent.  Honestly, if you could see the flyer, you would have the same questions that I have about what’s going on here. And, in order to get all of the important information onto the front and back of the card, the layout includes like twenty-five different fonts and sizes of type.

It appears that out of the 346 words printed on the flyer—I tallied them by hand, trying to keep count by pointing a finger on each one (not including the street names on the Google map)—roughly eighty four of them appear to be written by someone who has a basic understanding of everything from “A to B”. (“A” being the English language itself; “B” representing when to capitalize the letter “i”.)  I think that a basic rule of thumb when it comes to the letter “i” is this: Do not capitalize the “i” if an Apple product is involved. Do capitalize an “I” if it is a whole word and if you are not E.E. Cummings.

I need to spotlight a few of my favorites.  It’s a basic need.  No doubt, I’ll have something to say (in italics).  Here goes:

                      Have You Ever Has A Psychic,
                           Palm, Tarot, Aura Reading?

Well, have you ever has one? ‘Fess up.

                      Are You Un  Happy Marriage  , relationship
                                                family  ,friends  ,co-workers.?

I would say that my marriage is happy.  I’m not pleased, however, about some comma issues, upper and lower case letters, and spelling problems that have come into my life.

                      [Name deleted]
                        holds a Master degree   In Psychology
                        by the National Spiritualist Association
                        of Churches (NSAC) \ along with her
                        passion  ,skills studies

I don’t…I can’t…I just read NSAC and thought it said NCIS.  Why is the psychic talking about a CBS television show?  Just remember this, the psychic is a “her”. Right?

                  [Name deleted] uses his Psychic abilities to…

I think the professional should use “his Psychic abilities” or “her passion” to come to an important personal decision.  If the psychic can see his/her own future, it ought to be a slam-dunk as to which path will make him/her the happiest. Go for it.

Here are some other things the psychic feels you might want to discuss:

Am i on the right path for career I’m working for?

I’m going to suggest not bringing that question.

Im confused lately cant seam to make a proper decision
for my self or my future!

Hello? Give your money to me.  This could be menopause or thyroid—or any number of other things. Just give your money to me. I know about apostrophes…and spelling…and other stuff.

You might ask why I gave this post the title, “I Think My Head Is Going To…Well…EXPLODE.”  I’ll tell you:

BIRTH of which who u would like
her to read.

Okay? Okay? Was EXPLODE too strong a word?

It’s 6:49 p.m. on Friday evening. I see some scrambled eggs and pajamas in my immediate future.

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