I Don't Have A Kangaroo

On February 25th, I will be staying home all day. That is when I expect the Prize Patrol to show up at my door and I don't know what happens to the $10,000,000. if you aren't home. I know what happens to half of it, even if you are. So does my accountant.

I'm going to look through the closet later and decide on an outfit. One that will photograph well as I am presented with the gigantic, cardboard check made out to... me. Maybe I don't need to worry about the outfit so much. I will be standing behind the check. I should probably deal with hair and makeup. And a smile. I have to try those on, too. I have yet to find one on my own face that photographs to my liking. I remember agreeing--somewhere in the all the flyers and emails-- to appear in promotional materials for the Publisher's Clearing House should I win. And I'm gonna win. Because when I was not busy entering the PCH sweepstakes, I was busy reading The Secret. Which is why I know I'm gonna win.

My road to winning the super, jumbo, mega, whatever-they-call-it prize isn't so time consuming anymore. Not since the Publisher's Clearing House started sending me email entries. It used to be you had to deal with the regular mail, which generally included only bills and envelopes from the PCH. After putting the bills aside for another time, you had to open the PCH mail--immediately, because sometimes you only had, like, 48 hours to turn things around-- find all the seals and stickers, detach along perforated lines, and then saliva them to the proper entry forms. Let me say, it's much faster to click than lick.

Occasionally, I have ordered something with my entry, even though it says that an order will not improve your chances of winning. Last week, in an earlier blog, I mentioned the emergency auto hammer. This week, my rolling duffel bag arrived. It wasn't quite as big as I had expected, but I think I can use it. And the battery organizer box is, as advertised, keeping my batteries organized.

I'm just curious about some of the other stuff you can get. Like the Kangaroo Keeper. I don't have a kangaroo. Should emails about this item have gone to residents of Australia and not Beverly Hills? It was only upon closer inspection of the details that I discovered the Kangaroo Keeper is something with pouches--hence, the clever Kangaroo marketing idea-- that enables you to easily transfer all your crap from one purse to another. I say crap because it usually is. All you do is put everything in the canvas insert and move the whole thing. I'm not ordering the Kangaroo Keeper. The only time I ever clean out one purse is when I have to switch to another. If I did order the item, I would have to call it the Krap Keeper. Poor spelling is a marketing technique, as well.

I'm never ordering the Totally Nude Yoga and Tai Chi DVD. Just not doing that. And I'm still wondering if the Lost Kennedy Half Dollars are mine. The ones I lost decades ago.

Last night, when I was clicking, entering, and considering an order, I saw the following advertised... Snuggle Up With Elvis in Las Vegas. Hey, Publisher's Clearing House! Elvis is dead! And I am so not into that.